“The first and best victory is to conquer self.”
2015, has been a great year for me. I have been able to get more involved in the field of Higher Education in ways I never thought I could. I have made connections with students. I worked very hard in class and my grades have shown that work. I have taken my graduate school experience and made it my own by gearing my projects and research to what I care about, professional and personally. Even with all of that, there is still room to improve.
In high school, even into undergrad, I was chained by unwritten rules that I felt I needed to follow to be good enough. Make this grade. Play this sport. Go to college. Major in this. Have these kind of friends. I was never having to be disciplined for myself. A lot of things I was doing were to please or satisfy the gaze of others.
This past year I had epiphany that I can still be amazing and not follow anyone else’s prepackaged formula. I read Audre Lorde, Maya Angelou, and Roxanne Gay and figured out that as a Black woman I am wonderful, terrible, beautiful, stubborn, wrong, and right in all the ways that I need to be and that is ok.
While still holding on to my new found sense of freedom I need to find self-discipline. I’ve always appreciated structure and rules so it is no wonder that while I have been doing well, I have not thrived as I would have liked to in 2015. Imagine what I could have done if I was trying to make myself as proud as I was trying to make others?
So my New Year, New Me, post is not about the job search, which will happen, or about finding myself. In 2016, I want to find the self-discipline to be ok saying no. I want to eat healthier and take care of myself. I want to be in better control of my finances. I need to be more mindful and present in my interactions with others. To me all of those things fall under discipline.
So a toast to the blood, sweat, and tears of 2015, and cheers to all that 2016, will bring.
See you next year,